Erotic spanking dates back as far as the concept of eroticism itself. One of its earliest depictions dates back to the 5th century BC. It was discovered in an Etruscan burial chamber known as a Flogging Tomb. Spanking was widespread in brothels in the 18th century. Clergymen, aristocrats, and even peasants indulged in it with gusto. It gained further popularity in the 19th and 20th centuries.
It's obvious, but it's even better to remember: Any punishment, whether physical or psychological, in BDSM must result from a prior agreement between the play partners. Everyone must find pleasure in it. This implies knowing the expectations and limits of the person receiving the punishment. The use of a safe word that immediately stops the current scene when it is pronounced makes perfect sense here.
Physical punishment must hurt more or less, otherwise it is not punishment, BUT it must never cause damage!
The first thing to determine is the part of fantasy and the part of reality sought by each in order to determine if there can be an acceptable compromise. Some see spanking as a simulation. They do not want to be hurt "for real", what interests them is the scenario, to project themselves into a character who would undergo a painful punishment. On the other hand, others are interested in the pain and what it provokes in them. These people have absolutely no need, nor desire, for a scenario. And this second category is itself subdivided between those who will undergo the pain while discussing this and that and those who prefer to withdraw into their bubble, in search of a kind of transcendence linked to endorphins (Endorphins are synthesized naturally by the body in situations of intense mobilization, such as strong pain, intense physical activity, strong excitement, orgasm...). And then of course there are all the possible gradients between these two extremes. The human psyche is very complex, there is no "good" or "bad" way to approach the subject, the main thing is to get satisfaction from it without putting yourself in danger.
To give a concrete illustration, Ophidia needs a scenario, or at least a context, she is not looking for punishment for punishment's sake. But she also needs the punishment to be fairly realistic, graduated according to the fault but able to "hurt" and last over time (not just three slaps on the butt in case of a big mistake). So I am roughly halfway between the two extremes.
I am also one of those who can combine "BDSM" punishment with elements of "real life". For example, I can set myself a goal that has nothing to do with BDSM, such as tidying the garage by a certain date, deciding from the start that if it is not done, I will include a severe punishment at a future party. It is a method of self-motivation that works very well for me.
We all have different fantasies, we all have different tastes, we all have different levels of pain tolerance, and we all have different strengths. These obvious facts lead to another: there is no universal right way to do things.
For my part, I always try to discuss and explain my expectations. It seems obvious to me, for example, that we must have talked together about whether we want a scenario or not (and what kind of scenario, should the dominant yell at you or punish you in a paternalistic manner by giving you advice in a soothing voice?) or whether we want more theater or real blows.
On the other hand, realizing the effect that a blow causes is much more complicated at the beginning. We can initially define a discreet code that informs the dominant. For my part, at the beginning, I use one hand to inform the dominant about the feeling of the blows struck on a scale of 0 (closed point, this blow is not in the order of punishment for me, more of a caress) to 5 (all fingers visible, it is too strong for me), which leaves 4 acceptable gradients (1/small reminder to order, 2/Small punishment, 3/Punishment / 4/Big correction for big fault).
To conclude this chapter, tell yourself that the more you communicate beforehand, the more comfortable you will be during the game.
It seems obvious that spanking is for the buttocks! However, in the heat of the moment, you may find yourself hitting the tailbone or thighs; this hurts a lot and can radically change the mood. So focus on the areas where there is the most flesh. A good spanking is never brutal, but rather sharp.
The best advice we can give a dominant is to take their time during scenes. No good evening results from having completed a large number of scenes in record time. Quite the contrary, the atmosphere depends on time and often it is the slowness, the dialogues but also the silences, which will reinforce the sensations experienced. A spanking is not completed in four slaps on the buttocks!
For the rest, the submissive's excitement depends on a strange alchemy between the confidence he has in his dominant who will not cross the established limits AND the doubt he has about the length and severity of the punishment, in short about not knowing to what extent the dominant will approach his limits (Hence once again the need to have clearly set limits AND that these limits are not too comfortable for the submissive because he will not vibrate without a minimum of fear. The limits must therefore, as their name indicates, be limits, without maintaining a safety zone beyond.)
An important point to discuss before and to manage well during is that of marks. It is clear that some blows leave more or less marks. Many submissives like to see these marks fade day after day and since they do not normally show their buttocks in public, it has no consequences (The marks are a natural reaction of the skin, there are no medical concerns on this side as long as the blows were given with reasonable force). But the concern is different for those who have a partner who does not practice and is not aware of your fantasies. In this case, you must of course be attentive to the marks and I advise on this subject to apply a very specific rule, the dominant will not leave a mark even if in the heat of the moment his submissive tells him that he can go, that "it does not matter", because in the heat of the moment, the submissive's thinking skills are impaired. He probably wants to enjoy the experience to the fullest, but this is definitely not the right time to decide that his partner has the right to know...
A good spanking is progressive. Start with strokes that aren't too hard, possibly not on underwear or clothing. Little by little, the buttocks will turn pink (this varies greatly from one person to another). You should hit in different places so that this pink color is uniform. This is the signal that the buttocks are warm, you will be able to increase the force and rhythm of the strokes.
At first, give 3 strokes, then a long stroke, 3 more strokes, and a stroke. Then increase the number of strokes between each stroke until the buttocks become very red. You can then cool it with an ice cube that you pass over the entire surface, then you can move on to the ping-pong paddle or similar.
It is very important to dedicate a little time to comfort after the spanking. This comfort may or may not be "in play" if the evening ended with the spanking, but it is important to have a moment of gentleness and complicity after a punishment.
Know that pain, even when received voluntarily, can provoke surprising reactions. Old memories or traumas may resurface, and we may burst into tears for no apparent reason. Whatever happens, the first solution is always a comforting word, a break, a hot drink, and above all, attentive and warm communication, never judgmental but always listening and comforting.
A soothing moisturizer or Aloe Vera cream is welcome depending on the intensity of the spanking.
For a good spanking, the classic position of lying across the dominant's thighs, while the dominant is seated, has proven itself. Another interesting position is leaning forward or bending over a table. The advantage of the "bent over" position is that your submissive's muscles and skin are tense, and the impact is much more intense in this position.
The ping-pong paddle is well suited, but there are many accessories sold in specialist shops. The important thing to remember is that it's the surface area that counts; the larger the surface area, the more the shock is distributed over a large area (more noise, less pain). The good old flat ruler is particularly popular; of course, it will break at some point, but given its price, it doesn't matter!
The flogger is a classic BDSM accessory that can provide a wide variety of sensations depending on how it's used. The flogger will be even more stinging, even if the force is the same, if its straps are thin.
The cane is not for beginners! A stroke with the cane is sharp and quick. Unlike with the paddle or the whip, with the cane, you feel almost nothing for the first half-second. Then, suddenly, you feel a sharp, burning sting, and this intense heat seems to travel up your spine. This lasts about a second or two, although it feels longer. Just when you wish the pain would stop, it does. And then, strangely, you regret it... until the next stroke.
Anyone who wants to use a cane must learn to aim accurately. Only hit the fleshy part of the buttocks, never the lower back because depending on the force, it could cause real damage. I strongly recommend starting with a riding crop. It's already an object that hurts much more than the hand, the racket or the whip, but it remains less aggressive and dangerous than the real wooden cane.
